if time was an ice cream sandwich...i would take this night...slowly unwrap it's crisp white wrapper...unveil the frosty chocolate and vanilla orgy in my hand that's exuding cold steam and already starting to slightly soften...sensuously lick the sides where the naughty ice cream has overflowed past the spongy wafers and start nibbling on the delicious corners. then i'd bite it...hard...over and over and over and OVER...
oh sorry, i got a little carried away...in case you couldn't tell, this is a blog about zombies and Woody Harrelson...and JERRY (1), without which none of the mentioned events would be possible (and is holding my puppy hostage in case i don't mention his name and give him credit at least 14 times)
WHO'S JERRY(2), you ask? this mother fucker ...
so JERRY(4) gets an email about the upcoming zombie walk and sends me the link. now...i've been summoned to various walks and bar crawls before...which has a certain appeal because hey, everything's more fun as a zombie! But i've never actually gone to one because i've always been skeptical, as i assume it's just a bunch of douches in crappy make-up...being...douchy...
but as i read further into the event...well it only starts in a bar...then it's a zombie walk through times square and into a movie theater for a free screening of ZOMBIELAND!- which i've been dyyyying to see...sorry...zombie humor. so it's game on. i get my buddy chris on board as well and we're good to go!!!
the bar was...less than exciting. we had a drink and had a little fun scoping out the other makeup jobs, but for the most part i've had more fun sitting on a thumbtack. just the chaos of getting there and JERRY (5) and I getting our make-up up to snuff was enough to warrant a little downtime, i suppose.so the walk begins! apparently there were over 600 zombies present and accounted for...which is pretty ridiculous...and we started stumbling around times squ
are. knocking tables over, grabbing at tourists, beating on car windows, harassing this guy in a giant ball costume that was trying to hand out flyers, climbing on street lights, knocking on windows of restaurants where people were trying to eat, pissing off policeman like I've NEVER seen, and just running around and scaring the crap out of unsuspecting people. All wonderful, glorious zombirific things!when we finally arrive at the theater, it's in a mass sprint. which was pretty entertaining. While in line, I tried to pick a fight with the biggest guy there...to the dismay of my colleagues, but all ended well when I manically laughed and gave him the finger and made him giggle. We shook hands and became instant best friends. While waiting on line we hear a loud screech and a crash...eureka! the zombie invasion caused a car to ram into a semi!
Also note that all the while we're in line, we have photographers from the village voice all over the place taking pictures, yet JERRY(6) somehow eludes the camera completely (by accident) while even Chris gets a great shot on their website..despite skipping a work function to be there and being scared shitless to have any evidence of his presence! That's actually JERRY(7) in the background taking a picture of the photographer....well done, boys!
the doors open and we all rush into the theater to get the best seats! we get settled and prepare for awesomeness, but then....what's that, JERRY (8)? you need nourishment? you require popcorn and a soda? well, by all means, kind sir...help yourself to the refreshment stand over yonder and we shall all share in your bounty. we'll save your seat...mwahahaha.
A few minutes later...some random dude waves me over from my seat and i stumbled over to him and he asks me to be in some kind of promotion photo shoot just outside. i look back to chris and he gave me the ok, so i frolicked out to the unknown. the guy didn't look professional...or even very important for that matter...so i was skeptical to say the least of what this was all about. It's me and maybe about 10 other zombies just standing around...looking...zombied...and i thought that was the extent of it. But then Woody Harrelson enters left....say whaaa?
he stands right in the middle of us and we just surround him. I'm standing directly next to him, not sure how aggressive to be (considering he already punched out a photographer that he mistook for a zombie!) It was awesome though...and I'm in people magazine, the village voice, and about 5 other websites as a zombie attacking Woody Harrellson. Life doesn't get better than this, folks...but then...uh oh...the thought sinks in...oh my god...JERRY's(9) going to kill me...
i get back to my seat and start ranting to chris about what just happened and in walks JERRY(10) with his snacks. i try to break the news lightly, but there's just no nice way to say i'm gonna be famous and you're not...the look of total despair and disappointment in his eyes. Woody ended up coming into the theater and watching his movie with the crowd of zombies, too.
But c'mon people...give it up to the best zombie around: yours truly...
And P.S.- SEE ZOMBIELAND! IT WAS AMAZING! But that's a different story altogether...Shit....JERRY (11) JERRY (12) JERRY (13) JERRY (14)
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